Chapter 9

The large green sedan slid effortlessly into the parking space in front of the cemetery. Twice here in as many days was two times too many for Jon, but he knew that Richie needed this; he needed to say his goodbyes too. They strolled in silence through the hundreds of grave markers - some ornate, others simple plaques – on their way to Gina's.

Jon approached the angel first. "Hey baby," he said quietly, "I bought a friend to see you. I'm just going to go for a walk. Give you two some time alone." He kissed the tip of his fingers and touched them to the grave stone.

It was Richie's cue to step forward. He stared disbelievingly at the words carved into the stone. So it was true. It wasn't exactly that he thought Jon would lie to him, he knew he never would…It was more that… without this…without seeing it for himself… his heart would never accept it. He had hoped Jon had been wrong though. That it was all some grievous mistake but here, now with the proof before him, Richie had no choice but to accept the horror that she was really gone.

Although it had been almost twenty years since she had been in his life, he always comforted himself with the belief that she was out there somewhere, happy and living her life. The knowledge now that she had been lost to him so long ago was the worst kind of torment. Even worse was the knowledge that he hadn't been there when she needed him most. He could have protected her, could have supported her if only… But it was never really his place to do either. That had always been Jon's job, and he was only ever the comedic sidekick.

Richie had never seen Gina as anything more than a kid sister but he couldn't help but wonder now what would have come to pass if things were different back then. If he had met her first, loved her first, would she still be here now. She had deserved so much more than she had gotten out of life… what little of it she had. An emotion stirred within him that had been dormant for longer than he dared remember, but here, now, in this place with Gina lying deep beneath the cold damp ground, that old resentment was as fresh as the day he realized she wasn't coming back.

The ride home was like déjà vu for Jon, spent in stony silence as Richie sat brooding beside him. He tried on a few occasions to engage him in conversation but was only ever met with a grunt or a one word reply, so he gave up. It wasn't until they were back in the privacy of High Point's grounds that Richie let fly.

"This isn't right." He mumbled to himself as he got out of the car.

Jon heard Richie's incomprehensible mutterings as he got to the front door. He turned and asked innocently, "What was that man?"

"I said… this isn't right." Richie's face hardened as he glared back at him. "I mean…this is your fault. You do know that don't you?"

"Excuse me?" Jon was more than a little shocked by the sudden ferocity of his friends tone.

"This…all of it…it's all your fault. How could you do that to her man? How could you just go off and leave her like that…alone… and pregnant. Can you imagine how terrified she was?" Richie began to tremble with anger at the thought. "I've seen you perform some pretty low acts man…but this…fuck man… this just tops them all…and to Gina of all people…"

Jon let Richie go on his tirade, knowing that it was justified and that his friend needed to get the emotion out. It was better that he did it like this than with a bottle, as he himself had done.

"She was the best person you ever knew…she would have walked across glass for you…died for you." He stopped for a moment. "Humph…I guess she did that huh? You killed her man…all most as sure as if you'd held a gun to her head."

That was taking it too far! "Now hang on a minute man…" Jon fought to keep his cool.

"NO… YOU HANG ON!!" Richie screamed crossing the cobbled courtyard in three giant paces, pulling himself up to his full height to tower over Jon. "It's not like she was some backstage groupie fuck… she was supposed to be one of your best friends."

"How was I supposed to know what was going on? How in the hell could I have guessed that she got herself pregnant?" Jon shot back.

"I was under the impression it took two to make a baby." Richie ran his hand through is shoulder length dark brown hair, "I mean you obviously didn't use any kind of protection you dumb fuck, did it never even cross your mind that this might have happened? You obviously didn't give a shit about her. Just like with any groupie got your dick wet and cruised the scene, some fucking friend."

"You fucking prick… that's not true. You know she meant the world to me…I loved her." Jon jaw twitched as he fought to control his temper, a vein in his temple kept a constant throbbing beat.

"Don't give me that bullshit Jon!" Richie jammed his finger into Jon's chest. "If you had loved her you would have at least called her before you took off to marry Dottie. Shit can you imagine what that was like for her? To find out that you were married from me for god's sake, …and when she was fucking pregnant with your kid. Way to go asshole."

Jon took a step back in the face of Richie's rage. "Go fuck yourself man."

"Truth hurts don't it bro?"

"You tell me! Does it?" Jon spat back at him, "Because you know… if it wasn't for you telling her she'd be here with us now. If only I'd had the chance to explain it to her properly…"

Richie's fist slammed down hard into his palm. "Don't even go there Jon. How fucking dare you put this on me. It should have been you telling her but when the fuck were you planning to do that? Huh?"

"How dare
you put it all on me?" Jon emphasized each word with a poke to Richie's chest, "Couldn't you tell when she rang that something was wrong before you opened your big stupid fucking mouth?"

"Someone had to tell her something. You obviously hadn't called her in nearly three months." Richie shook his head in disgust, tears stinging his eyes now.

"I DID FUCKING CALL HER ASSHOLE" Jon yelled at Richie, "She never said anything."

"Oh really…somehow that just doesn't sound right Jon. Why would she hide the fact that she was pregnant from you? You sure your memory isn't getting the best of you there old man? Maybe you just want to think you called her?"

"I'm not fucking senile. I remember everything about her…we spoke every few days."

"Well do you remember what you said to her? What she said to you?"

"We talked like always… stupid inconsequential shit. She asked me what was going on with the tour, how we all were and I checked on her, you know to make sure she was ok. But man I promise you she never said a thing to me…oh…OH!" Jon closed his eyes against the hurt as he rubbed his palm across his brow.

"What?"

"The last time I spoke to her…a week or so before I got married...I mentioned Dot was back."

"You told her Dot was back?"

"Well ...yeah… I…"

"That's just beautiful man." Richie rubbed his tear stained cheeks while focusing intently on a paving stone.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know. I'm not a fucking mind reader."

"God Jon… please
stop with the excuses. I don't know how you can live with yourself right now."

"To be honest man…" Jon said in self disgust, "I'm not sure myself but you need to step up and accept you part in this as well."

Richie looked at Jon incredulously. "Ok, I let that slide the first time but you'd better fucking tell me you don't mean that."

"Fuck yes I mean it."

"I'm not the one that got her pregnant Jonny."

"No… but seeing how you're carrying on now, I'm betting you wish you did."

Jon didn't know what was happening until Richie's fist connected with his face. His head jerked back violently, he heard a sickening crunch and a blinding pain consumed him. Reflexively, his hands drew up to protect his damaged face. Jon could taste the metallic tang of his own blood as it glided down the back of his throat.

"Please tell me I broke your nose you fucking little girl." Richie's angry voice held a hint of perverse pleasure, as he shook out his now wounded hand.

Jon grunted, "FUCK MAN...that was uncalled for."

"Wanna fucking bet?" Richie raged, "How could you say that to me, I've always had your back Jon…always. And there is no way in hell that I am gonna stand here and take this shit from you now." Richie turned and started to move back towards the car.

Jon grabbed his arm and spun him on the spot fiercely, "OH NO! You are not gonna break my fucking nose and walk away from this dammit!"

"I'm sorry Jon, I just can't listen to your bullshit anymore. And I won't take the blame for your mistakes. You were never going to tell her about the wedding…we both know you would have left that to me… or Obie, or anyone else so long as you didn't have to face it yourself."

Jon let out a heavy sigh, "I was gonna tell her man… the day Dot and I got back," he said resigned.

"Not good enough. If you were even half the man she deserved you would have told her before you got married Jon. But you didn't… because deep down, you really didn't give a shit about her." Richie slumped heavily to sit on the cold stone step at Jon's front door.

"FUCK MAN stop telling me what I was gonna do, how I felt…"

"The truth is fucking appalling isn't it man?" He tilted his head slightly and glanced up at Jon - still standing over him - from the corner of his eye.

"Oh come on…If I had of known I was getting married before it happened I would have told her." Jon joined Richie on the step, keeping a safe buffer of distance between them. "You know it was a snap decision."

There was silence for a long moment as Richie rested his head in his hands.

"Were you in love with her?" Jon asked quietly. "Is that what this is really about? I mean she was one hell of a lady...I couldn't blame you if you were."

No response came…the only sound now was that of Richie's trying to choke back the sobs that were rapidly consuming him. Jon wondered absently if this would be the thing to finally push his friend over the edge after the last horrific year. He tentatively moved over and threw his arm across Richie's shoulders.

"Awe fuck man...That's it isn't it…you were in love with her?"

Richie shook his head and wondered how someone as intelligent as Jon had remained so totally clueless. "No Jon. I wasn't in love with her…I loved her...of course I did…like a sister." His voice cracked on the word and it took him a moment to compose himself before he could continue. "I feel like I've lost another member of my family. But loving her like that – being in love with her - would have been a waste of time and emotion…she only ever had eyes for you and that was evident to everybody that knew you both. I kept waiting for you to realize...we all did…especially Gina.

"It was so hard for her Jon… she loved you so much. It was painful to watch and yet…you just went about your business so fucking oblivious to it all."

"Frankie said the same thing but I just can't believe it. I don't get man...how could she have loved… me? What did I ever do to deserve her that?" Jon's brow was furrowed in confusion.

Richie looked at his friend and his expression softened momentarily. "Fucked if I know...It was always a mystery to me. I think she just felt a connection to you that you evidently didn't feel to her."

An unshed tear stung Jon's eye, when he realized that was obviously how Gina had seen things too. She had thought that he didn't care. "Awe shit man I felt it… I felt it from the first day. That's the tragedy in this; I just never believed she could feel the same. Even when she told me she did, I didn't believe it."

"No the tragedy is…God Jon…what must those last months have been like for her?" Richie shook his head disbelievingly.

"I don't know man. Maybe there is something in her diaries… Frankie says she has them."

"You're fucking kidding me right. Shit Jon…" Richie shook his head forlornly. "I shudder to think what might be written in there. Hell I remember some of the stuff she used to confide in me, hoping I could somehow shed light on why you act the way you do."

Jon's brow puckered, "So you think I should be worried then? I don't want her to hate me man. I mean… no more than she already does."

"Has she read them already?" Richie glanced at him sideways.

"I don't know...parts maybe…she seems to know a bit. Fuck man, I'm terrified of losing her." Panic was evident in Jon's eyes now.

"It doesn't sound like you even have her to lose right now. I really think you need to be as upfront as possible with her man. Don't try to glaze things over – the truth and the whole truth at that."

Jon let his head fall back and looked to the sky, "I'm trying and you're right, I don't have her...but I want her in my life man. I want that little piece of Gina."

"You know what Jonny? I'm gonna tell you something that you're probably not gonna like hearing…"

Jon grinned at that, "What's new?"

Richie's lips curled in response in spite of himself, "Listen to me… she's not just a little piece of Gina, from what you've told me about her, it sounds like she's a pretty big piece of you as well. She's more than just a collection of genes Jon, she's her own person but you're sitting here thinking only about what she can be to you. I think maybe you feel like if you can win her over, it will be some kind of…I don't know…maybe redemption…for all the shit that happened with Gina…that maybe it will make it easier to deal with. The thing is...instead you should be thinking about what you can do for her."

The pair sat quietly for a long moment as Jon contemplated what his friend had said. He was right.

"Rich…I really do want to get to know her...for her. I want to be a father to her."

"Hasn't she got one of those…I mean I just assumed she was adopted or something…Oh Jon please tell me she wasn't raised in an orphanage." Richie's tone was tormented.

"Nah man… she was adopted, and from what I can tell she's had a pretty good life…well up until a few months ago anyway when her dad died. You knew him…Branson McKenzie…had that gallery in Soho."

"Oh jeez…I remember when that happened it was in the papers."

"Yeah, it cut her up pretty bad too I think."

"Of course it did." Richie shook his head. "That poor kid. First she loses her dad and then you show up."

"I know man it's rotten timing. What are the odds? …both of us in the same place, at the same time."

"Ya know now, when things like that happen to me, I like to think dad had a hand in it somehow ya know?" Richie smiled wistfully, it was only a few months before that he had lost his own father to cancer.

Jon grinned at him. "And when exactly was the last time you found a long lost daughter out of the blue?"

Richie crossed himself at the notion "Don't even go there man…that just made my blood run cold."

Jon laughed in earnest now.

"So tell me about this girl's mom?"

"She seems nice enough."

"Do you think she'd be willing to help you?"

"Maybe, I need all the help I can get on this one. I won't be turnin' down any favors."

"So what's your plan?"

"Hmph…what plan? I don't have one."

"Shit Jonny, that's a first…you always have a plan."

"Well...I did want to go see Frankie today. See if I can smooth things over…explain some shit, ya know? Thing is, I don't even know if she'll see me. She's more pissed at me than you are."

"Sounds like you have a lot of splaining to do." He said the last three words with a heavy South American accent.

"Ya think."

"You know… I think I'd be pissed if you were my dad too." Richie chuckled.

A wide smile brightened Jon's face, they were definitely past the aggression now, "Fuck off!"

"Seriously though…You mind if I give you some advice? Since I am the older, wiser one."

Jon raised a skeptical eyebrow at that. "Older definitely ...the wiser is debatable. But don't let that stop you. You've already broken my nose. How much worse can it get?"

"Nah," Richie shook his head. "I don't think it's broken. That's one hell of a shiner you've got though."

"Thanks man…" Jon rolled his eyes. He touched his left eye tentatively, "Ouch…This will look great when I go to see her mom. I bet I look like some common street thug."

Richie laughed once, "Yeah… I'll be interested to hear how that goes over."

"I bet."

"But her mom is probably the only way you're gonna get this kid to listen. Is she a fan?"

"Who? Beth? I don't think so. She recognized me…but she certainly wasn't star struck." Jon said her name with a hint of reverence.

"Is that her name? Beth." Richie recognized the faraway look in Jon's eyes immediately...he was interested…even if he didn't know it yet. Now was his chance to have a little fun.

"Yeah…nice huh?" Jon smiled gently as an image of Beth flashed in his mind's eye.

" I always liked that name." Richie teased.

"Hmm, me too." Jon agreed.

"She cute?"

"Would it make me a complete ass to say yes?" Yep it does…this should be about Frankie, he thought.

"Is she cute or is she hot?"

Scorching…"Fuck man...I really wasn't paying that much attention." He lied "Let's just say she has… attributes."

"Yeah well, if you said she was hot, I was gonna say that makes you an ass. Attributes are ok though. What color are her eyes?"

"A deep chocolate brown, almost black really." He licked his bottom lip and pulled it through his teeth.

Richie couldn't help but grin. "Mmm… I love me some chocolate… Hair?"

Jon smiled, "She's a brunette man....not your type."

Oh poor Jon…he was sooo hooked! "Hey now…let's not make assumptions! The blonde thing isn't working so well for me." He teased.

"Bro...the woman just lost her husband... let's not take it there ok?"

"Touchy!" he chuckled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jon asked defensively.

"Not a thing…"

"Rich…what am I gonna do about Dot...." Jon changed the subject, trying to distract Richie. "You know how she is…and it's gotten worse lately… either that or maybe my tolerance of it has just lessened . I just can't handle her anymore man. I used to be able to let it go over my head, but now…" Jon shook his head sadly, "It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to be around her anymore."

"You just have to talk to her man. I mean, you and Dottie have always seemed more like best friends to me than husband and wife anyway." Richie had always been very perceptive.

"Yeah well it hasn't really been more than that for a long time… and now..even that's fading." Jon agreed.

"No sex?"

"Rare and unsatisfying would be two words that come to mind." He answered focusing on a spot between his feet.

"Well hell…those are two words that should never be used in conjunction with sex." Richie felt bad for him…he knew what it was to be in that place…he had been there more than he cared to remember.

"Don't I know it!" Jon's voice was resigned.

"Listen man, Dot's gonna have to deal. You need to focus on those kids - all of them - make sure they're cool with everything, particularly Stephanie - she's gonna need a little extra attention I bet. And well…as far as Frankie is concerned, sounds like you have some major sucking up to do."

"No joke…Did you come up with that one on your own…or did you have help…" Jon laughed.

"Funny…So when can I meet Frankie?"

"As soon as I can get her on side, she needs to meet her Uncle Mookie."

"Great! Can I meet her mom too?" He couldn't help himself.

"I'm warning you.... don't go there man. The lady doesn't need your brand of drama."

"What drama would that be…I'm a free agent man…you're the one that's married." Richie wiggled his eyebrows before his face settle into a wicked grin.

"Richie...I am warning you...she is off limits. You hear me?" Jon's stern expression amused his friend.

"You know I'm just teasing you Kidd but still, I might be able to use my powers of persuasion with the mom. Especially if she's as cute as you say she is."

"Man, I've never underestimated your powers of persuasion when a hot woman is involved."

"Oh so she's hot now huh…" He giggled.

"Maybe... a little…" Jon admitted reluctantly.

"Well in that case…"

Jon cut him off with a warning glare.

"Ok…Ok… I know…off limits, I get it." Richie held up his hands in surrender. "Listen…with Frankie… just be easy on her. It sounds like the kid has been through a lot."

"Yeah she has…more than she should have had to. But man she's blaming me for everything. I don't know how to contend with that."

"Maybe you should accept a little of that blame. If you did, it might go a long way toward bringing her around." Richie braced himself for the next round of the argument…but it didn't come."

"Dude… I accept what I did to Gina. I'm a lowlife piece of shit. I know that. And I'm sorry for what I said before that was just the anger talking…I take full responsibility for what happened back then, as long as you know that I would give anything to change it. I did love her man. I didn't know just how much 'til she was gone. But Rich, as far as she's concerned, I'm to blame for everything wrong in her life."

"She'll come around. Just don't act like a dick around her. Even when she tries to provoke your temper – and you know she will - look at her and remember what Gina went through for her - for your kid."

"I hope so man." Jon rose from the step and held out a hand to Richie. "C'mon, I don't know about you…but I could do with some food."